This article originally appeared at Founders Ministries on August 13, 2026. It is excerpted from chapter 7 of Ordered to Love: Recovering the Order of Affections from the Home to the Ends of the Earth (Founders Press, 2026). Used by permission.
Knowledge is the eye which must direct the foot of obedience . . . the knowledge of God’s will is not enough without doing it.
—Thomas Watson[1]
The afternoon of June 25, 1876, was a desperate moment for Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer. Although he had begun the Battle of the Little Bighorn with ambitions of a swift victory that would restore his reputation and strike a decisive blow against the gathered Native American tribes, those hopes had been dashed when he discovered that the opposing force was far larger than anticipated. Custer split his regiment into several battalions, expecting a quick strike to scatter what he thought was a smaller foe. He was wrong. Instead, he now faced overwhelming numbers, cut off from reinforcements and pressed on every side. Surrounded by Lakota and Northern Cheyenne warriors, he had no choice but to fight to the death.
Had he followed his original orders to coordinate with the larger U.S. Army columns under Generals Alfred Terry and John Gibbon, this predicament could have been averted. In that case, his name would likely have been lost to the pages of time. But because of his crucial miscalculation, dividing his regiment and underestimating the enemy’s strength, his name endures. His error cost him the battle now remembered as Custer’s Last Stand at the Little Bighorn, memorialized in textbooks and the American psyche as a stark example of hubris against impossible odds.
It is true, in both war and life, that simply knowing one’s marching orders is no replacement for tenacious, faithful obedience. The same holds true in the Christian walk. Christians in the developed world enjoy abundant resources unpacking the historic, literary, and linguistic context of Scripture’s commands. But knowing those marching orders is not the same as obeying them. As the Puritan Thomas Watson aptly put it, “knowledge is the eye that must direct the foot of obedience.”[2]
This volume has considered the order of love. Charity necessarily extends through concentric spheres of influence, moving from what is nearest and radiating outward, due to our natural human limitations. But for the Christian, love is also ordered in another sense: It is issued as an imperative. Failure to embrace the duty to love, according to Scripture, is to lose the plot of the Christian faith altogether. Benevolence without beneficence is empty sentiment. So what are the Christian’s marching orders, and how are we to exercise our call to love in each sphere in a biblical manner that avoids the many counterfeits of the world?
Failure to embrace the duty to love, according to Scripture, is to lose the plot of the Christian faith altogether.
The Necessity of Love
The love of God. Before any social loves come into play, the order of love presses the love to God as the highest duty (Matt. 22:37–38). Zeal for the name, fame, and glory of God must be our highest pursuit because it is God’s own highest pursuit (Isa. 48:11; Hab. 2:14; Ezek. 36:22–23; John 17:1; Rom. 11:36). John Piper’s famous thesis that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him” is true.[3] This loving satisfaction in the total sufficiency of God, unlike our other social loves which often involve benevolent action, is fully a complacent love in the sense that it rejoices in the goodness and beauty of the beloved, resting in what is most pleasing. The Christian is not only duty-bound but created entirely for the love of God and love for God. Before a Christian can consider his obligations to his neighbor, he must first delight himself in God and place Him highest in his affections. To speak of personal, intimate devotion to God in this way is simply the plain requirement of Scripture and the ultimate purpose for which the believer is brought into saving union with Christ.
This stands in marked contrast to the self-absorbed therapeutic religion of modern evangelical subculture, which reduces worship to emotional climax, preaching to self-help, and prayer to mindfulness. This same narcissistic culture is fond of referring to Christianity as “a relationship, not a religion,” but its inward gaze is neither capable of satisfying the believer’s true longing for self-forgetful awe at the majesty of God nor filling him so as to overflow in love for others in the world. It is not far removed from the “In the Garden” piety of previous generations that maintained more of the forms of traditional worship (hymnody, conservative aesthetics, and so forth) but bears more in common with the Anabaptist quest for inner light than true, experiential communion with the living God.
True piety boldly, fearfully, and joyfully approaches God by the Spirit, through the Son, as an adopted child to a loving Father, awestruck by His holiness, confessing sin, receiving pardon, and in gratitude drawing near to Him in adoration of His essential goodness, power, beauty, love, and infinite worth.
The love of spouse. Besides one’s relation to God, the relationship with a husband or wife will likely be his or her most intimate one. Even before the curse, it was “not good” for Adam to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Faithfully navigating one’s marriage is so essential to upright Christian living that it figures prominently in every list of biblical qualifications for church office (1 Tim. 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6). Marriage is crucial in that it depicts the very relationship between redeemed humanity and our Lord Himself (Eph. 5:32). Husbands are commanded to exercise love toward their wives in the form of tender affection (Col. 3:19), sober rule as head (Eph. 5:23), self-sacrificial service (Eph. 5:25), compassionate understanding (1 Peter 3:7), generous provision (1 Tim. 5:8), and intimate enjoyment (Prov. 5:18). Wives, in turn, are instructed to show their husbands love through respectful submission (Eph. 5:22, 24), ready assistance (Gen. 2:18), quiet conduct (1 Peter 3:1–2), gentle nurture (Titus 2:4–5), willing intimacy (1 Cor. 7:3–4), and supportive industry (Prov. 31:10–31). Carrying out these marital obligations willingly and well may require decades to achieve, but a lifetime of blessing is its yield.
Today, numerous and formidable obstacles confront Christian husbands and wives. The pervasive pornification of culture sets stumbling blocks before both men and women at virtually every waking moment. Egalitarianism disrupts the head-body dynamic of husband to wife, straining relationships and distorting nature. Feminist presuppositions and economic forces drive women into the workplace, complicating or displacing motherhood and placing masculine burdens upon them. These same feminist ideals encourage women to be catty, vain, loud, and unsubmissive, while driving men into their own vices of passivity, weakness, tyranny, abuse, or neglect. To navigate marriage with even a remotely traditional mindset—much less in an explicitly Christian manner—is to cross a treacherous minefield of spiritual, financial, and emotional perils. Yet cross we must, for, as Scripture testifies, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). There is no greater temporal gift this side of eternity by which we may taste deep joys, grow in Christlikeness, and behold the manifold wisdom of God than a godly marriage. As Luther said, “There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.”[4]
There is no greater temporal gift this side of eternity by which we may taste deep joys, grow in Christlikeness, and behold the manifold wisdom of God than a godly marriage.
The love of family. Contrary to modern conceptions of marriage that focus almost exclusively upon its partnership and companionship aspects, its fundamental nature is inescapably procreative (Gen. 1:28; Mal. 2:15). Children are not accidents of nature but blessings from God (Ps. 127:3–4) and uniquely dear to the heart of the Lord (Matt. 18:2–5; 19:14). Children are to be cherished (Ps. 127:3–5), instructed in truth (Deut. 6:6–7; Eph. 6:4), disciplined patiently (Prov. 13:24; Heb. 12:7), protected from harmful influence (Matt. 18:6), guided to maturity (Prov. 22:6), given an inheritance (Prov. 13:22), and included in the life of the church (Matt. 19:14). A Christian man must have faithful and obedient children in order to qualify as an elder (1 Tim. 3:4–5; Titus 1:6). If his household is marked by obstinance or unbelief, he is thereby disqualified from exercising leadership in the church.
Today’s Christian families face a paradoxical challenge from culture at large; our society at the same time opposes children and idolizes youth. With one hand, secular and leftist forces advance abortion on demand, ubiquitous contraception, sexualization of minors, childhood genital mutilation in the name of gender ideology, and population control measures; with the other, they promote chaotic, child-centric permissive parenting techniques, endless extracurriculars, perpetual adolescence, and a naïve outlook that venerates youth subculture. These agendas, though seemingly contradictory, form a two-edged sword wielded against the traditional Christian household, motivated by animus towards the imago Dei. Added to all this is the perverse instinct on the part of evangelical thought leaders writ large to characterize any renewed emphasis on the household as teetering dangerously on the edge of idolatry. To the contrary—it is the time for more Christian love and order in the home, not less. Committing to love one’s family well in the present age is not a retreat from the wider fray to the sphere of the domestic but enlisting in the very war for the cosmos.[5] The adage that charity begins at home is not far from the mark. We cannot make disciples of all the nations without making disciples of our own children. God forbid that we would gain the world but lose our families through our own neglect or disordering of priorities. Evangelism and missions begin at the dinner table.
Christian duties with respect to the family extend beyond one’s spouse and children. The fifth commandment applies equally to adults as to children in the home, and its application concerns honor not only to parents but to all superiors. Paul expected extended family to care for widows (1 Tim. 5:3–4, 8, 16). This differs starkly from the idea that all elder care should be outsourced to professional care facilities or that the state should serve as the primary social safety net for the needy. A biblical view of the family is not limited to the so-called nuclear family but bears implications for how one engages all of one’s relatives. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were not just patriarchs of a modest household of three or four but served as lords for their clans and extended family networks. To rebuild a robust Christian presence throughout society will require integrated, anti-fragile Christian families and tribes ruled by godly men of gravitas and enriched by faithful women who together fruitfully exercise godly dominion over themselves, their households, and their entire spheres of influence to the glory of God.
The love of friends. A neglected realm of discussion in Christian treatments of love concerns friendship, or voluntary relationships of mutual affection. A good friend covers offenses (Prov. 17:9), loves at all times (17:17), and sticks closer than a brother (18:24). When he rebukes, he does so in love (27:5–6). Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, and Paul and Timothy are just a few of the biblical duos whose companionship speaks volumes concerning the blessing of such brotherly and sisterly bonds. Jesus Christ regarded the disciples not only as His subordinates but as His dear friends for whom He laid down His life (John 15:13).
Here too the biblical ideal finds itself under attack. Modern technology isolates and alienates individuals across social strata. Social media conceals the growing loneliness epidemic under the thin veneer of online engagement, a counterfeit for authentic relationships. Algorithms silo human interactions along ideological lines, leading each user deeper into his own echo chamber and withholding the grace of mutual edification. Confused young persons longing for simple companionship fall prey to the siren song of the sexual revolution, embracing perverse and fictitious identities and behaviors out of a longing for acceptance. And in some corners of the church, outward religiosity impedes authenticity, resulting in superficial friendships that fall far short of the biblical ideal of loving fellowship. Friendship is not a distraction to the church’s mission or its call to love the stranger but is vital to its strength for the task. The solution to these social ills is found not only in the healing love of God but in the mediating gifts of godly fraternity and sisterhood. Men in particular are forged in solidarity with other men contending together in a shared cause—fighting alongside one another in foxholes, whether literal or metaphorical. This sense of tribal solidarity is tragically rare, especially given the broader societal diversity and inclusion agendas that limit masculine affinity groups in many sectors. Yet the church today will seldom find the strength to storm the gates of hell without the strength of bands of brothers striving “side by side for the faith” (Phil. 1:27) and virtuous women co-laboring for the gospel (4:3).
The church of Jesus Christ is not an interruption in the flow of history nor a parenthesis in the purposes of God.
The love of the church. Contrary to the claims of some theological systems, the church of Jesus Christ is not an interruption in the flow of history nor a parenthesis in the purposes of God. From the moment the first gospel promise was issued in Genesis 3:15, there existed a community composed of those who embraced the word by faith. This assembly of people in covenant relationship with God—small or great, gathered or scattered—is the key supporting character in the redemptive arc spanning both testaments. This church exists both globally, or invisibly, as the community of all the elect, and locally, or visibly, in particular congregations sitting under the preaching of the word of God and right administration of the sacraments. Christ loved and died not for humanity in the abstract but for a particular people—His bride, the church (John 10:11; Acts 20:28; Eph. 5:25; Titus 2:14).
Today, expressive individualism exacts a heavy toll on the corporate life of the saints. All too common is the view that relationship with Christ may be pursued in isolation rather than community. Contemplative piety and modern spiritualism conspire to downgrade the value of life together within the visible, local church. Public regard for institutional religion continues generally to plummet, though trends among Generation Z men show early signs of hope. And within the church, pragmatic ecclesiologies treat attendees as consumers of spiritual products rather than souls knit together by their mutual adoption into the communion of God. A robust doctrine of the church is the only antidote. Casual church attendance—or non-attendance—must be replaced by an eager desire to be counted among the saints each Lord’s Day. Consumerist attitudes must give way to a spirit of service and fellowship like that which marked the church in Acts 2, and self-centered spirituality must step aside for the sake of submission to qualified shepherds. The gathered people of God should make Jerusalem their chief joy (Ps. 137:6) and the saints their delight (Ps. 16:3). We must not neglect the assembling of ourselves together but gather all the more to approach the living God and edify one another as those who belong to the heavenly Zion (Heb. 10:24–25; 12:22).
This article is an excerpt from Ordered to Love: Recovering the Order of Affections from the Home to the Ends of the Earth (Founders Press, 2026), available to order now from founderspress.org. Read the original post at Founders Ministries.
[1] Thomas Watson, The Lord’s Prayer, in A Body of Practical Divinity (1692; repr., Christian Classics Ethereal Library), https://ccel.org/ccel/watson/prayer/prayer.vi.html.
[2] Watson, The Lord’s Prayer.
[3] John Piper, Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist (Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, 1986), 287–88.
[4] Martin Luther, quoted in Douglas Bond, “Reformation Romance: Love and Marriage—Luther and Katie’s Way,” Modern Reformation, September 1, 2017, https://www.modernreformation.org/resources/essays/reformation-romance-love-and-marriage-luther-and-katie-s-way.
[5] Chris Wiley demonstrates this compellingly in C. R. Wiley, The Household and the War for the Cosmos: Recovering a Christian Vision for the Family (Moscow, ID: Canon Press, 2019).
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